Have you ever had a moment when you stop and think "I'll never forget this moment for as long as I live"? I had a moment just like that today. And it wasn't just because we had auditions today and I couldn't believe the amazing talent that walked through The Bethany Stage door. I mean, the kind of talent that will bring you to your feet and applaud with tears in your eyes kind of talent. It was because I was terrified. TERRIFIED!! For a solid minute I didn't know what to do. I have been watching people audition for me for almost a solid decade. And I have heard some crazy interesting monologues. There have been moments when my actors have completely taken me off guard. One time, I had someone stop their monologue and freak out about a spider that was on the floor. If you know me at all, you know that I am terrified of spiders and I was freaking out. But it was just part of their monologue. I have also been included in someone's monologue where they start having a conversation with me. I have also had them pretend to fall. So when this sweet person auditioning today asked if they could use a chair to stand on during their monologue, I was all for it! And when then fell off of it halfway through, I just thought it was part of their shtick. I was like..."WOW! They just fell off that chair so believably." I let the poor dear writhe in pain for a solid minute before I realized they were actually hurt. What is wrong with me?!!! To that person...I am so...so...so...sorry! You probably thought I was such a jerk!! I am completely mortified that this person laid in the floor in pain while I just watched them. NEVER AGAIN!! Never again will I allow monologues to take me off guard. Actors, I am just telling you now. I AM going to interrupt you and ask if you are serious the moment you spring something on me, okay? My heart just can't take it.
If you haven't read my story up to this point, you might want to go back to the beginning so this next part makes sense.
Total darkness consumed me when they starting telling me to count backwards from 100. A sweet wonderful darkness where pain cannot penetrate. I'm not sure how long I was out. Long enough for the highway patrol to call my mother and tell them that her daughter was most likely not alive and en route to the hospital in a helicopter. Long enough for my mother to drive a very harried and worried two hour drive to the hospital they had taken me. Long enough to have two surgeries where they placed four titanium rods and six screws in my spine and a titanium rod in my left femur. But I will never forget the moment my eyes opened and I saw my mother standing above me. There is nothing like seeing your mom after you have faced death. This crazy relief came over me. She was there to make everything okay. But as I looked at her, I didn't feel quite right. I couldn't move my legs and it felt like they were on fire. The first thing I said to her was "Oh mom. Do I still have my legs?" Because I just knew they had to be gone. As I asked that, I remember my doctor sadly looking to her and shaking his head. That must not have been a good sign. "Oh, baby. Of course you still have your legs." She told me. "You are going to be just fine." I believed her. She was there and all would be okay. And I fell back asleep.
This week is my oldest daughter's 6th birthday. And I can't believe it! What? How does time move so quickly? I've been doing that timehop app lately and it freaks me out. It has been showing me what was taking place 5 years ago and she was just learning to walk. It literally feels like yesterday. I love that app because sometimes I think I won't forget what it was like when she was so little but I have. It is a great way to reflect on special moments and keep them in my memory. I hope I never forget they way my little two year old gets sad and tells me that her feelings have been hurt. She thinks the word "feelings" is the same word as her "finger." She walks up to me while holding up her pointer finger and proceeds to tell me that her sister has "hurt her finger." It sure makes it easy to kiss away the pain because fingers are way easier to kiss then feelings.
(My baby girl learning to walk next to her daddy 5 years ago.)